Review: Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) by E.L. James

 Please, excuse my dirty mouth. :O

 

Fifty Shades of Fucked Up?

Boy, he wasn't kidding, was he?

My, oh my. The. Characters. Annoyed. The. Shit. Out. Of. Me.

Well, the main ones did, Christian (duh) and Anna (double duh).

First of all, how old is Anna? I must of missed that information but it's not like it really matters because the woman acts like a fucking teenager. Oh my. All the flushing and blushing and eye-rolling and lip biting... Holy shit! The girl doesn't even know the name of her most important private part! It's a vagina. It's a pussy. It's a cooter. It's whatever the hell you people seem to call it these days but to say down there? Really? Are you five? No, I don't think that a five year old would say clitoris.
Yeah, she can say that word. *face palm*

And Mr Fucking Christian Grey! I do not like you. You are fucked up, buddy. Seriously. Get yourself help. You had a crackhead whore of a mother. Big deal. You were taken and put into a good home at the age of four. I don't remember what I went through at the age of four...so, you do? I doubt it. You were young and you grew up in a nice home with a nice family. So, you feel as if you didn't belong there? Fuck off. Your stupid. I know of many kids I grew up with that had it way worse and they aren't fucking weirdos that like to inflict pain on women to get off in their knickers. They are good people. Your upbringing and the hand you were dealt in life doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole. It just doesn't. All it proves is you are weak. Do you understand? I wanna hear a "Yes, Ma'am", motherfucker. :D

"I'd say you're thoroughly fucked and in need of sleep." - Christian Grey

UGH! *gags* What a fucking dick. I would so fuck HIM up. I'm all for some dirty talk but that's just...UGH!

"That wasn't flowery at all." - Anna
Well, no shit, honey. What did you expect?

"I like you this sore," His eyes smolder. "Reminds you where I've been, and only me." More flowery talk, Anna? Oh, how you've fallen for this charming gentleman.

-_-

People like this? I don't understand. I was so uncomfortable at times(99% of the time). The spanking? Anna hated it. He didn't take the time to care. He took her underwear as a little game of wills and made her go to meet his family without underwear on. Humiliation. Fun. Then he fucks her there, gets his release, and leaves her without release for punishment. Oh, but she gets her underwear back, so it's all good. Anna you are a dumb bitch. I would have socked him in the eye numerous times.
Let him get off on that pain.

I don't think that the story would be so....WRONG. If Anna had more of a back bone and challenged Christian. Gave him some of his own medicine. Sure, Anna did when she got the balls to, on occasion. But seriously, she just seemed weak and it made him seem even more of a creep.

"You're not a great submissive," he breathes as he holds my chin, his eyes dancing with humor.
Funny. I know. I'm rolling. Seriously? She's not a great sub? I would be your worst nightmare, Christian. I would tie you up in your pain room, shove those little balls up your ass, and put a treadmill under your feet set on high. *grins*


There were instances where I did like Christian, when he was normal, when he opened up to Anna. The night he talked about the ways that Anna shocked him and the morning after that. Those were the most bearable parts in the whole book where I could relax and just read, be happy for Anna. It didn't last long though. His mood swings erupted and it was back to the beginning. I get fucking whiplash from his moods. He's bipolar or something. And that's no way to be in a relationship...to always worry about if every little thing that you say or do will upset your partner? Set him off, make him punish you? *shivers* It's just creepy sometimes, his reactions. It's not right.

The ending! It was perfect. I don't think that I even want to read the others. Anna was smart enough to get away. She walked out on him. I'm actually cheering the girl on right now. AWESOME, if I didn't know already that she gets back with him. But I think I do want to read more of the books. I want to see how they work this out, if Anna can change him. I doubt it but whatever. The thing that gets me the most is I don't like the message this sends out to women. I've been in a abusive/controlling relationship. It's no fun. I know we see the good in them but is it really worth all the bad and the trouble they put you through? No.

All in all this wasn't entertaining as much as it was disgusting and annoying.